Marginalia

A Confession

Исповедь

Tolstoy’s account of his mid-life crisis — at the height of fame he could not answer “why live?” and nearly killed himself, until he found meaning in the faith of simple people.

Written 1882Form essay By Leo Tolstoy
⇋ Compare ✶ In the Atlas

Key Ideas

The questions — what will come of my life? Why should I live?

The Eastern fable of the traveller in the well, licking honey while two mice gnaw the branch.

Four ways out — ignorance, epicureanism, suicide, weakness.

Reason gives no meaning; faith is “the force of life”.

Tolstoy hid a rope so he would not hang himself from the beam between the wardrobes, and stopped carrying his gun hunting. He quotes Ecclesiastes, Solomon, the Buddha and Arthur Schopenhauer on the vanity of life.

Sententiae

phrases in the original
Latin

Vanitas vanitatum, omnia vanitas

“Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”
vanitasemptiness, vapourvanitatumof vanitiesomniaall things

Origin. The Vulgate’s rendering of Ecclesiastes 1:2. The Hebrew “hevel” means vapour, breath — what vanishes.

For the futility of ambition; the oldest nihilist sentence in Scripture. Tolstoy quotes it in A Confession.

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